5 Rules of Growth I Live By

Growth is an imperfect process. One day, it spikes gratitude for the progress you’ve made while, the next, it confronts you and pushes you to face yet another unconscious limit you imposed on yourself. 

There was a time when I resisted growth. I wished for a challenge-free life, which, as you might know, doesn’t exist. I realized that good times are easy to live through. 

But what about experiences that stretch me to my limits, challenge me to quit, or forsake my privilege to grow into a person who is proud of herself? How do I handle those? 

Ultimately, I realized how I approach my growth will define how I move through it. Even the approach to growth is growth itself. 

Eventually, I started to notice patterns of behavior that were supporting and healing on my journey. Here are five laws of growth I do my best to live by. 

1. Compassion, compassion, compassion

Many of us lack compassion in our growth toolbox. For some reason, we believe that if we are hard enough and tough enough with ourselves while healing and growing, we’ll do better and move faster. 

This can’t be further from the truth, and here is why. 

The ultimate strength for healing and growth comes from a place of an open heart. It means that instead of harsh self-talk or overbearing shame, you reach for love and understanding.

At first, it may feel uncomfortable or even weird if you are not used to it. Eventually, this place of love and wholeness (which is available to you at all times) will begin to feel like home from which it is safe to embrace challenges and grow. 

2. Past doesn’t define you

There is so much wisdom and growth in our past once we realize that it doesn’t exist except in our memory. 

Although it often feels real and overpowering, the past is nothing but a result of things we remember and often, replay over and over. It is the reason it feels so alive. 

Therefore, you want to focus on your past from the place of a growth mindset. You can do this by asking yourself these three questions,

“What those toughest experiences from my past taught me?”

“Is there anyone or anything I need to forgive and accept to heal and freely move forward?”

“How can I use these challenging experiences to fuel my growth?” 

3. Embracing imperfections

Developing a new approach to growth is the best place to learn how to be okay with life’s imperfections. As I mentioned earlier, growth truly is one of the most imperfect and messy things you ever deal with. 

It is built on mistakes and chaos, wins and losses, navigating paths you have no idea how to while feeling uncomfortable most of the time. Although this isn’t the best marketing strategy to sell you growth, it’s true. 

Remember when I said that navigating growth is growth itself? 

There is one simple mantra I tell myself when noticing my perfection-driven little inner child kicking in: “It’s safe to make mistakes; it’s safe to not know how. I am safe and all is well.” 

4. Dumping the judgment

Moving away from judgment is the most crucial rule of growth for me. 

You can’t judge your way through growth. You can’t judge your way through recovering from trauma. You can’t judge your way out of shame or feeling worthless. There is simply NO WAY. 

All you can do is to drop it. 

When you become aware of some toxic trait, limiting belief, or a pattern that you want to change, the primary urge may be to judge yourself. Instead, drop the judgment the moment you notice it. 

Then ask yourself, “While healing/growing in this area of my life, how can I do it with more love and compassion?”

5. No finish line

There is no end in growth, only milestones. The moment you feel complete and resolved in one area of your life, another appears. 

I’d say that’s the fun of it – seeing how far you can go and who you can become despite all odds. 

Instead of chasing the end game, enjoy the process. Otherwise, you’ll miss it. Don’t focus on when this thing from your past will be healed or when that trigger won’t trigger you anymore. 

Embrace the present moment. The only thing you need to do today is to do your best. Once you get to tomorrow, then we’ll focus on that. For now, doing your best today is good enough. 

What rule do you relate the most to? I’d love to know. Feel free to leave a comment below.