How to Stop Self-Sabotage and Double Down on Your Healing

How do you recognize when you self-sabotage?

For so many of us, self-sabotage became a way of life. We often find ourselves between what we want and doing the complete opposite.

Moments when you say you want to lose weight while grabbing another cupcake, trying to quit smoking while lighting up another cigarette, or staying in toxic relationships that drag you down while being overly invested in them.

We don’t sabotage ourselves because we are some hidden masochists without any sense of awareness. We often do it either because of fear of our greatness or because we don’t believe we deserve more than we are getting.

When I recognized that I sabotaged most of the things in my life, I asked myself why.

It was important for me to differentiate between not doing certain things since I don’t want to or not doing them because I am afraid and consumed by self-doubt.

When I identified the role of self-worth in this process and looked at my limiting beliefs about who I was and what I was capable of, I began to make changes.

There is one crucial rule when it comes to self-sabotage – don’t try to reason with it, be logical about it, or see it as something you will never overcome. You will if you are willing to look closely and face any self-destructive tendencies you may have because of how you grew up or who you believe you are.

Here is how I approached this pattern in my life and began working with my self-destructive tendencies.

1. Identify moments of self-sabotage and set a goal

This is when self-awareness comes into play. As I mentioned earlier, identifying the moments of self-sabotage is pretty simple.

Look at what you want, deep in your heart. What are your dreams, and aspirations, what gets you excited and fired up, and what brings you peace and stillness?

Then look at what you are doing at the moments of decisions when you are in these situations. Do you follow your desire and commitments or tend to give up on yourself?

Identifying these moments is vital for your growth because they will become an opportunity for change.

Once you know when you self-sabotage, start with setting one goal. Whether you set a goal to work out, pursue a degree, build your online business, become more spiritual, or heal your childhood trauma. I mean, opportunities are endless. Starting with 1 goal is enough.

After picking your specific goal, identify areas and moments when you tend to sabotage yourself. What do you do? What do you think, and what do you feel? Do you doubt yourself? Feel fearful? Do you lack confidence?

It’s okay to acknowledge what’s happening inside you, what you feel, or what you discover. It’s okay not to be perfect and see all those imperfections and certain things you want to work on. To me, that’s a courageous act – to stop, pause for a moment and recognize where you fall short. Don’t be afraid of it.

2. Make a commitment

During my healing journey, I found the concept of self-love very confusing and frustrating since I struggled to identify what self-love was for me. I was told to go and get a massage or buy myself something pretty or read a good book.

Although I would do these things, they didn’t make me feel in love with myself. Later on, I learned that there is a difference between self-care and self-love. Getting massages, going for a manicure, shopping with girlfriends, or smudging your home is what I consider to be self-care acts.

To me, loving yourself goes much deeper. Self-love is about doing things we don’t feel like doing, making decisions that are good for our soul but sometimes leave us sad. Self-love is about walking away from something or someone you don’t want to lose but have to. Otherwise, you risk losing yourself. Self-love is deep, and it touches your soul.

When you commit to stopping self-sabotage, that, to me, is an act of self-love. When you decide to override your triggers and unsettled feelings of self-doubt while going against them for the first time, that’s healing. Therefore, when you commit, commit with love.

3. Forgive, forgive and forgive some more

The biggest irony of healing I observed is that the more we become aware of who we are and what we need to work on, the more demanding and judging we become towards ourselves.

Therefore, I will promote the importance of self-forgiveness until my last breath. Here is something all of us need to get on board with; emotional healing is messy, very, well, emotional, and constantly changing.

You are discovering disowned parts of yourself, realizing that you self-sabotage, and learning things about yourself that you were trying to ignore. This process is chaotic and confronting. Before any judgment and criticism step in, I invite you to recognize your courage and determination instead.

The most rewarding part of forgiveness is that it speeds up your growth and healing and makes you reach your goals much faster. I think we can agree that guilt and shame didn’t bring you the results you want. Therefore, it’s time to change the game by redefining how you approach yourself and how loving you become. During the process of recognizing unhealthy patterns that were born out of unhealed wounds, forgive yourself and let the judgment go.

Conclusion

Today, I want to leave you with these two insight-driven questions. Take your time when thinking about them. Give yourself time and space to consider every possible answer and watch what you discover.

Question #1 What self-sabotage has been costing you (your relationships, career, financial and spiritual growth, a healthy relationship with yourself)?

Question #2 What is one thing you can change today to move away from self-sabotage?