How To Practice Self-Compassion: 4 Exercises To Cultivate More Self-Love

Recently, I’ve been dwelling more on the subject of self-kindness and how to practice self-compassion in a powerful and healing way.

Dr. Kristin Neff is an expert in the area of self-compassion, and this is one of her (many) definitions on this subject I absolutely love:

“Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, you stop to tell yourself, ‘This is really difficult right now, how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

One of the most important aspects of my healing and my work with women was discovering the power of heartfelt emotions. It is incredibly healing to feel warm feelings towards ourselves.

As Martin Luther King said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

We can say then that self-judgment, guilt, and harsh self-criticism cannot drive out trauma and shame; only love, kindness, and compassion can do that.

Here are 4 exercises to practice self-compassion.

Exercise #1 Use mindfulness to practice self-compassion

Find a comfortable place and close your eyes. Place your left hand on your heart center (heart chakra) and your right hand on your belly. Take three deep belly breaths. Inhale through your nose for 4 and feel your belly expand. Then exhale through your mouth for 8 and feel your belly collapse.

You can keep your hands where they are and repeat these three statements.

“May I be well.”

“May I be peaceful.”

“And may my heart be at ease.”

Repeat as many times as you need, until you feel more ease and warmth in your heart.

Exercise #2 Explore your inner critic

What often holds you down are not things that happen around you, but rather your internal dialogue.

For many of us, inner harsh criticism is a common approach to ourselves. Therefore, learning how to practice self-compassion is extremely important.

This practice comes in 3 steps:

Step #1 Recognize what your inner critic says. Pay close attention to the words or phrases you use when you do something you don’t like. E.g., eating too many cupcakes or not completing your to-do list. Be as specific as possible. This will help you in the future to recognize this inner critic faster.

Step #2 Approach your inner critic with compassion and understanding. You can say something like, “I know you want me to eat healthy and feel proud of myself, but you are causing me more harm than good. How about we choose a more nurturing and loving approach moving forward?”

Step #3 Reframe what your inner critic said with love and care. You can say something like, “I know you enjoyed those 5 cupcakes, but you know this doesn’t make you feel good. Since you ate 5 of them to compensate for something else, how about we explore a little deeper as to what that is and how you can soothe it in a healthier way?”

Exercise #3 Write a self-compassion letter

You don’t have to be a writer to practice self-compassion by writing yourself a letter. I find this to be a beautiful and healing practice. Based on research, people who approach their setbacks and flaws with more compassion experience greater physical and mental health.

The example of a self-compassion letter may look something like this:

“I deserve to feel worthy and cared for. I recognize that I’ve been so hard on myself, and it never brought me the ease and peace I long for. My inner child needs me more than ever, and I am ready to learn to love myself. Although this is a difficult time for me, and I am not quite sure how to do that, I start by acknowledging all that is beautiful about me while giving myself a big hug.”

Exercise #4 Forgive yourself

The most common barriers that stand in the way of our healing are guilt and harsh criticism. Often, we don’t recognize that guilt, in and of itself, is a negative pattern we need to heal.

One of the exercises you can do is to write self-forgiveness affirmations and repeat them daily. Remember that whatever you think and feel regularly becomes your experience of life. To soothe the voice of your inner critic and heal chronic guilt, you want to form new neural pathways in your brain and make self-forgiveness your healing practice.

Example of self-forgiveness affirmations:

“I forgive myself.”

“I am worthy of forgiveness.”

“My healing is non-negotiable, and I am ready and willing to forgive myself.”

Another great tool to practice self-forgiveness is guided meditation. I recorded a 10-minute guided forgiveness meditation that leads you through simple breathing exercises, visualization, and affirmations.

I invite you to create a 30-day challenge for yourself to practice self-compassion. For the next 30 days, dedicate 20-30 minutes to yourself by practicing these exercises. You will strengthen your self-compassion muscle while tapping into the healing power of your heart.