7 Healing Ways How To Accept Yourself And Your Past

“Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning, you have been told how you should be; nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are.” – Osho 

A couple of years back, I read a book by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry called “What Happened to You?” 

The book was based on the principle that it’s not about what is wrong with you (as we often think) but what happened to you when it comes to healing from any emotional trauma and its residue. I found this approach deeply healing and accepting. 

In this article, I want us to focus on two aspects of acceptance: 

First is to accept yourself where you currently are emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, and even financially. Only when you embrace acceptance of the self will you find the strength and love to move toward healing. 

The second is to accept what happened to you. Of course, if you are in the phase of your healing where this isn’t available to you yet, I invite you to keep an open mind as you read along, knowing that accepting the past is the only way to release yourself from the grip of it. 

How to accept yourself 

1. Start with accepting and validating what you feel 

The first step is to identify where you are mentally and emotionally. Often, we deny certain emotions because they are uncomfortable or confronting. When you do that, you can’t accept yourself since what you feel is a part of you. 

For example, if you feel angry, instead of denying this emotion, get curious and allow yourself to explore what’s underneath it. 

Ask yourself questions like,

“What is this emotion trying to tell me?”

“What do I need to address to release this emotion?” 

2. Look at your mistakes or missteps as opportunities 

I always say that perspective is everything. You can see your mistakes as failures or stepping stones to the next level. 

Remember that your perspective sets the rules of good or bad, right or wrong. I watched a video with Salma Hayek (I love her passionate and dynamic personality), and she said you must own your mistakes and not allow anyone to take them away from you. 

Although this is not what we often hear when it comes to mistakes, think about it: your mistake is yours, and it is your best opportunity for growth if you allow yourself to accept it while dropping judgment and focusing on the lesson. 

3. Accept yourself by connecting with your inner child

Triggers you experience or patterns that you find hard to break are often silent cries of your inner child. When your inner child is “acting up” in ways you find unhealthy or illogical, she tries to get your attention and tell you something. 

When you attune to your inner child by paying attention to what she (you) feels and approaching it with curiosity, your inner child settles down. She feels acknowledged and seen instead of shut down. Accepting your inner child means accepting yourself. Click here to go more into depth on the inner child work and try my self-love meditation for healing your inner child. 

4. Go within and explore your self-talk 

Here is a simple exercise you can try. Close your eyes and bring to your attention a situation or a challenge you are facing. You can also focus on some past events. Next, look at the subtle voice in the background and listen to what it says. 

So often, our inner voice is discouraging and quite judgmental. But because we don’t pay attention to it or can’t hear it, we overlook it. If there is an unconscious internal put-down and perpetuated feeling of guilt, no wonder you find it difficult to accept yourself. 

There is a saying that goes, “There is nothing in this world that can hurt you as much as your thoughts, and there is nothing in this world that can heal you as much as your thoughts.”  

How to accept your past 

5. Look at your past from the place of the truth 

One fundamental thing I understood about my past that completely transformed my healing was this: always work from the place of the truth. And the truth is (although not the one we often want to hear) that the past is gone, and you can’t change it. 

So the question isn’t why this or that happened to me but how I can use it to empower myself.

This simple, yet profound shift in your perspective can be one of the most healing moments of your life. This leads me to the next step. 

6. Always and only look for the lesson 

Every life on this planet comes with gains and losses. The quality of your life isn’t defined by either of them but rather, the one you choose to focus on and dwell on. 

I understand that some experiences of your life were truly heartbreaking and brought traumas that are hard to move beyond. Also, I am not expecting you to drop everything and feel healed after reading this article (although I know this may be a possibility or at least a starting point). But I invite you to look at this aspect of your life. 

Considering that you can’t change what happened to you or erase this experience from your memory, focus on the question:

‘What did this experience bring into my life or who I became because of it?” 

Or

“How can I use this experience, all its ups and downs, its pains and challenges, to serve me in the future?” 

7. Look for the positive aspects of your past 

When we embark on our healing journey, most of the focus goes to things we want to fix, change, or transform. It’s easy to get lost in our negative past experiences while disregarding everything else. 

After I got divorced, I became deeply interested in my healing. However, the traumas of my past consumed me. I was so invested in what happened to me that I couldn’t see past it. Today, I understand that this phase is a part of the process, and we all stay in it for some time. But this taught me that focusing on the good stuff from my childhood brings a sense of lightness and helps me to navigate my healing better. 

Therefore, here is a simple question to ask yourself. 

“What is a thing or things from my childhood/past that were positive, fun, or loving?” 

It’s okay if you struggle to answer it. Don’t pressure yourself. Just keep this question in the back of your mind, and when you are ready to look at it, you will be very grateful. 

What are your thoughts on self-acceptance? And which one of these 7 ways can you use to accept yourself and your past? I’d love to know. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.