Self-Forgiveness Practice: 3 Ways How to Let Go Of Guilt

“Self-forgiveness is essential for self-healing.” Ruth Carter Stapleton 

A few weeks ago, I had a session with a client where we discussed certain aspects of her behavior and its impact on her life. During a deep conversation, she had a profound realization. She often felt guilty but was completely unaware of it. 

Is it possible that some of our behaviors are so unconscious we aren’t even aware we have them? 

Our mind is like a program that takes in all the information we receive and process them in a specific way. If we grew up being overly criticized and judged, or if our feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy bring up such thoughts, it’s natural that we move towards judgment.  

Any negative or positive habit will stick with us until we change it. Our mind aims for familiarity and the comfort of knowing. Don’t try to make sense of it since it may only bring more feelings of guilt. Instead, heal yourself by developing new habits and become aware of thoughts that bring you down instead of lift you up. 

Although guilt in and of itself is beneficial for building a character of integrity, chronic guilt that results from trauma isn’t.

Nowadays, we feel guilty about everything. We feel guilty because we didn’t complete the never-ending to-do list, we feel guilty because we didn’t please everyone around us, we feel guilty because our floor is a little dirty, we feel guilty because we aren’t perfect moms ( I am not a mom but I bet all moms can agree there isn’t such thing as “perfect”). Hence, we even feel guilty for feeling guilty… And the cycle continues. 

The problem with chronic guilt is that it’s paralyzing. It brings out fear and makes us feel stuck. And it perpetuates the cycle of more self-judgment. 

Therefore this begs the question: How can we cultivate more self-forgiveness and understanding toward ourselves? 

Before we dive into three ways to begin, let me offer you a few questions to consider. 

How is judging yourself beneficial to your life? 

How does the idea of self-forgiveness make you feel? 

What has been preventing you from practicing self-forgiveness? 

Since we all are imperfect and make mistakes (I make like 3 of them daily), are you open to learning how to let the guilt go and start welcoming more forgiveness in your life? 

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions. Although some may seem obvious, I encourage you to brainstorm what stops you from living guilt-free. 

Once you get some clarity, let’s move forward. 

1. Understand the role of your mind 

Your habits and learned programs operate from your subconscious. Since the mind doesn’t differentiate between good and bad but familiar and unfamiliar, it will go after what it typically does.

By having a simple understanding of your mind concept and wiring, you can eliminate a part of your guilt right there. 

What this means is that once your mind thinks a judgmental thought, it doesn’t mean this thought is true. If you were, let’s say, judged a lot as a child, your mind is accustomed to these types of thoughts and emotions they bring. To change this is to choose different thoughts. 

2. Regulate your emotional state

Instead of judging yourself for judging yourself (hello, mind-wiring), I encourage you to be gentler with your mind and use this statement to take charge and change the direction of your thoughts. Pause and say, “I forgive myself. This is what we (you and your mind) do now.”  

By giving your mind direction (instead of letting it take you for the ride), you are also choosing to think different thoughts. Compassionate and loving thoughts bring higher emotional states. 

Another benefit of practicing mind management is that your confidence and self-control will rise. Once you see that you can manage your mind instead of your mind directing you, you will feel more in control and grounded. 

We don’t cure our traumas by going down on ourselves. We heal them by implementing new, healthy habits while making better choices for ourselves. 

3. Implement self-forgiveness into your life 

And this is where play comes into the picture. To start changing your habitual way of thinking (in other words changing your negative self-talk), you want to start presenting this new information and thoughts to your mind. 

Here are a few ideas that worked for my clients and me. 

• Create a forgiveness statement that speaks to your heart and put it on your phone or computer screen.
• Every morning or night, commit to writing five things you forgive yourself for. You can think of this as journaling. 
• Record your forgiveness statements and listen to them daily or when needed to lift yourself up. 
• Use self-forgiveness meditations as a way of healing. 
• Get an accountability partner (a friend, family member, or coach) and work with them on your goal to be more forgiving towards yourself. 

The self-forgiveness journey is a process of rewiring your brain that takes time and patience. However, living with chronic guilt affects your self-esteem and prevents you from sharing your greatness with others. 

You’ve been probably judging yourself for most of your life and we both can agree that it hasn’t worked. Maybe it’s time to quit the blame game and recognize the immense value and potential you are bringing to this world.