Feeling Stuck On Your Healing Journey? Here Is What To Do

It sometimes happens that, as I work with a woman who seeks my guidance while on her healing journey, there is a bit of resistance (or sometimes a lot) when I lead her through the steps.

Since her “safe space” of familiarity is being confronted and challenged, she uses what I call the “BUT” card.

“But Silvia, you don’t understand what happened to me as a child.”

“But Silvia, this is easier said than done.”

“Silvia, I want to change. But no matter what I do, I feel stuck and lost.”

Since I deeply relate to the last statement, let me eliminate the common ideology that healing (especially in the beginning stages) is this beautiful, soulful, liberating process.

Although these are the qualities of healing or better say its byproduct, healing is also confronting, confusing, and life-altering. Therefore, feeling stuck is quite natural.

If you are thinking, “Then why would I ever go through this process?”

Here is my take on it.

Healing offers freedom from fear, unease, and anxiety. It builds self-respect that leads to self-love (I highly recommend checking my previous article on this topic). Healing brings joy and exuberance into your space. It makes you more brave and inspired.

I think you are getting the picture.

What stops us from healing is the story we create about what happened to us.

Why?

Because we know the story, it is familiar, brings this weird sense of comfort, and allows us not to face our demons.

You can’t change what happened in the past, and I get that.

But you can change your present and future because they are entirely in your hands.

However, the question you must ask yourself is, “Am I willing to let go of the old story?”

Before you say YES with the confidence of a 5-year-old in a Batman suit, take a moment and think about it.

There is a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert that says, “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

It’s worth noting that once you make a decision to heal yourself and positively grow from past experiences, you may at first resist it. Since this is the natural reaction of your mind when you work towards something new and unfamiliar, let me share 3 things that will help you.

1. Define the healing version of yourself

We want to create a picture of who you want to become and what it looks like. This part is crucial for two reasons. First, you want to start focusing on a possibility. Often, we are so wrapped up in the old story, we can’t see past it. Second, I want you to focus on your vision because of the resistance that you may experience. 

Define how you want to feel, show up in the world, treat others, or approach your dreams.

Get clear on what the healthy version of you looks and feels like. Don’t question it with thoughts of what is possible or not possible. Almost anything you set your mind to is possible, especially when it comes to your emotional healing. This process is 100% in your hands.

2. Be aware of resistance to unfamiliarity

The moment you make the healthy choice to change yourself, your habits, and your negative thinking patterns, your mind will rebuttal.

Why?

Because it loves familiarity even if it means staying unhealthy, negative, and judgmental. 

When this happens, I want you to PAUSE and observe any discouraging or doubtful thoughts. They will come, and I want you to be prepared.

Remember that every thought that ever entered your mind was just a thought until you gave it meaning.

When you find yourself in this situation, go back to step one and remind yourself what the healing version of you is like and what is your initial goal. Don’t buy into compulsive, repetitive thoughts from the past.

3. Letting go of a victim

We don’t stay in a victim mentality because we want to. We stay because it feels familiar.

Living in a victim state is the number one reason why we don’t progress in our healing, no matter what we do.

You can go to therapy, join a support group, read self-help books, and even become a self-educated psychologist without a degree (I certainly did). None of it matters if you are holding to your victim persona and the old story about what happened to you.

It’s okay to grieve the victim inside of you, it’s okay to be scared while you are letting this version of yourself go. However, I want you to remember that you have the choice to change your life.

With this wisdom and knowledge in your hands, what would you say is going to be your next step?

I’d love to know. If you care to share, leave a comment below.