Negative Emotions: How To Accept And Cope With Them

“Only if we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brene Brown

Negative emotions can become a source of a deeper understanding of yourself once you are willing to acknowledge and work with them.

Although they don’t represent the path of comfort, they lead to deep personal discoveries, transformation and, eventually, acceptance.  

Instead of avoiding and denying them, you can ask yourself: “How can I use negative emotions to understand myself better, cope with them effectively, and use them to promote emotional healing?”

Why do we fear negative emotions?

The most common reason we fear them is that we don’t want to look at what they are trying to tell us. Since it feels confronting, intimidating, and uncomfortable, we want to look away and dismiss them. 

For a batter understanding about what we feel, I like to divide negative emotions into two main categories. First are emotions from the past, unaddressed wounds, and anger we hold towards others who wronged us and can’t let go. 

The other category of negative emotions exists because we are (forgive me for being straightforward) more focused on the negative. 

Of course, these two categories are often interconnected. Once we heal our past, we have a great chance of looking at the world and people differently. 

The irony of negativity is that it only defeats us. Although we think we are outsmarting our negative emotions by ignoring, denying, and running away from them, they will always catch up. 

Understanding and accepting negative emotions

When you are working on understanding emotions from the past, keep this in mind: you are not what you feel. Your emotions are a residue of past experiences that are presenting themselves in the form of a memory. If they still feel alive and intense, it’s because they are demanding your attention. 

Next time you feel negative emotions, observe them and repeat this: I am not this body, and I am not even this mind.” 

I learned this affirmation from a guided meditation designed by Sadhguru called Isha Kriya. 

The purpose is to create a little distance between you and your past thoughts and emotions. Therefore, you can acknowledge them from the place of an observer and be calmer and more conscious when dealing with them. 

If you are dealing with negative emotions that are a result of your perspective on life in general, for example, judging people for who they are instead of trying to understand them or seeing limits instead of possibilities, ask yourself: “What part of me needs more compassion, love, and forgiveness? What do I need to heal?” 

How to better cope with what you feel

One of the most feared emotions I experienced was anger. As a teenager, I had struggled with anger issues. Every time I got angry, it scared me. As an adult, I began to hide my anger, and I covered it up with passive aggressiveness. 

Although I thought I was outsmarting anger, every time I felt it, it brought feelings of shame. I judged myself for feeling this emotion and couldn’t stand it.

One day, when anger showed up again because of some trivial situation, I started crying. I felt hopeless. This moment of desperation challenged me and pushed me to approach this all-too-common scenario differently. Instead of denying my anger again, I asked myself (for the first time),

“What are you trying to tell me?”

Since then, my relationship with anger changed. Instead of judging myself when I feel it, I approach it with curiosity and understanding because only then my healing takes place. 

Here are 2 ways to approach your negative emotions when they show up. 

1. Accept what you feel and forgive yourself (if needed): Often, we judge ourselves when we feel negativity. Especially for those on a healing path chasing the light, we may believe we “should” be more positive. Although part of it may be true, you don’t want to fake your way through healing. 

Stay away from where you think you should be, accept where you are, and work from this place. When you bring acceptance into your space, you’ll experience a profound relief because you’ll work with what is not what you wish it should/would be. 

2. Embrace self-discovery: Next time you feel negative emotions, approach them with curiosity. Here are 3 steps you can follow. 

First, acknowledge what you feel and, if needed, forgive yourself for feeling them (going back to Tip#1)

Second, ask yourself, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” 

Third, follow up with a question, “How can I use this understanding to empower and heal myself further?” 

Negative emotions are part of you and your experience as a human. They are an opportunity to deepen your relationship with yourself and attune to your needs. When you learn how to listen to your emotions, respect them, and give yourself what you need, it’ll be a matter of time to bring more joy, ease, and peace into your life.

How do you cope with negative emotions? Do you give yourself grace and accept what you feel? I’d love to know. Feel free to leave a comment below.